Cloudy With a Chance of Fear

Listening: Starbucks playlist 

What’s up y'all? I hope you all have been well as I have been pretty well myself. I have been navigating some life things but it’s all good in the neighborhood. 

Alright, let's get into it. The past couple of weeks I have been in deep thought concerning my experience being an author. My mind has been racing concerning how I should proceed with marketing the book which also includes marketing myself. I have talked about this with my cousin Don, my brother Josh, and also my therapist. Each of them has given me different advice however, my therapist slapped me in the face with a harsh reality. That reality was that I was operating in fear which is something that God does not want for us. 

Let me explain what this looks like for me. When I have a thought concerning a marketing plan my mind directly goes to “GIRL BYE; people are going to talk about you” or my shifts to “Girl that is not going to work” because those are the things that cross my mind I become paralyzed and I never move forward. Here is the thing friends, if I cancel out the idea before I even try I have to admit to myself that it’s a pretty nutty thing to do.

A while back I was talking to my Aunt Mary and she ended our conversation and said to me “ Carrie don’t miss the opportunity”. She never mentioned what opportunity she just made a blanket statement at the end of our conversation and chileeeee I am not trying to miss the moment while being held back by fear. Also, I had a similar experience that reminded me of this moment. Sit back let me explain. 

Spring of 2013 I was running for Miss Morris College, something that I wanted to be ever since I attended the first coronation during my freshman year. Well, the time has come and I had been campaigning for weeks and it was finally time for the student body to vote. The day of voting I was standing in front of the student union and a group of guys were walking by as they had just finished eating lunch in the cafeteria. As I stood there I remember hearing a still voice saying “Tell them to go vote for you” I passed the voice thinking “nah I got this in the bag”,  but also a bit scared to talk to them because I did not necessarily know them” and I let them keep on walking. The next day the result of the race came out and the Dean of Students hung the results up in one of the academic buildings and I lost Miss Morris College by seven votes. Guess what, that was about the number of guys that were in that group. That next day I cried so much but at the end of the day, it is something that I will never forget. I learned that when you want something great to happen in your life it doesn't just happen no matter who you are, no matter how popular you are YOU HAVE TO GO AFTER IT and it is impossible to do such a thing if you are paralyzed by fear. I call that experience my greatest failure and I believe God allowed me to have that experience for just a time as this. 

Either we can live the life that God called us to have or we can surrender to fear and live an unfulfilled life. Pray for me as I figure this thing out and when you see me around cheer me on as I will not be operating as Carrie the shy little girl from Greenwood South Carolina but as a child of God who is just trying to live in her purpose. I will cheer you on as well! 

Alight, I will talk to ya later! Be Well! 

Carrie B